Hi friend,
Have you ever asked yourself, “How do I get over the wound of not being chosen over and over and over again?”
Here’s the truth that I really want you to know. If you are consistently being rejected or not chosen by people that you think you want to be with, chances are you are choosing from a wound and stepping out of your center.
So I want you to do two things.
First, think back to each of those people and reflect on how you actually felt in your body when you were with them. Did you feel calm, grounded, connected to yourself, and self-trusting? Or did you feel insecure, unstable, and out of your center?
Next, ask yourself: What did I really love about the connection that we shared? What did I love about our friendship? Did we even have one?
Reality check yourself a bit, because often when you are consistently being rejected, you are actually choosing from your wound.
Now, you no longer have to do that. You get to choose from the seat of your own power. Remember, you are in your own experience, in your body, being led and guided by your own values.
I’ve included a practice and journalling prompts below to help you come home to your center and reflect on the patterns that show up in your connections ✨
🕊️ Latest Instagram Posts
✨ Practice for the Week: Return to Your Center
This practice helps you feel the difference between your wound and your center, so you can begin to choose from the seat of your own power.
Set aside about ten minutes. Find a quiet, comfortable space where you won’t be interrupted. You might like to have your journal nearby for any reflections that come up afterward.
Step 1: Arrive. Find a comfortable seat with your feet resting on the floor, or lie down if that feels better. Let your eyes close or soften your gaze. Take a few slow breaths, letting each exhale be a little longer than the inhale.
Step 2: Find your center. Place both hands just below your navel. Breathe into your hands and feel your belly rise and fall. Imagine a warm, steady glow here, at the very center of you. Notice what it feels like to rest in this place. Maybe there’s warmth, stillness, or a quiet sense of strength.
Step 3: Remember a connection. Bring to mind someone you’ve been drawn to who left you feeling unsure of yourself. Picture their face or recall a moment you shared. Notice where your body responds. Maybe your chest tightens, your breath gets shallow, or you feel a pull out and away from your center. Simply notice it with curiosity and kindness.
Step 4: Meet the wound. Gently ask yourself, “What was I hoping to receive?” Maybe it was reassurance, belonging, or the feeling of finally being enough. Whatever arises, let it be welcome. Place one hand on your heart and silently say, “I see you. You make so much sense.”
Step 5: Come home. Let the image of that person soften and fade. Bring your attention back to your hands on your belly and the warm glow at your center. With each inhale, imagine that glow growing brighter. With each exhale, feel yourself settling more deeply into your body. Stay here for several breaths.
Step 6: Feel the difference. Take a moment to compare how your body felt in Step 3 with how it feels now. Notice your breath, your shoulders, your jaw, your belly. This grounded, steady feeling is your center. This is the place you get to choose from.
Step 7: Call in your values. From this centered place, ask yourself, “What do I truly want to feel in my relationships?” Maybe it’s safety, ease, respect, or joy. Let one or two words rise up. Silently say to yourself, “I choose from here.”
Step 8: Return. Take a deep breath in and let it go. Slowly bring your attention back to the room. Wiggle your fingers and toes, open your eyes, and look around. Notice how you feel now compared to when you began.
If anything feels like too much at any point, open your eyes, feel your feet on the ground, and come back to your breath.
This week, when you feel drawn to someone, pause, place your hands on your belly, and ask, “Am I choosing from my center?” Your body will always show you the way home.
Journal Prompts
Think of a time you felt rejected or not chosen. What story did you tell yourself about what that meant about you?
When you look back at the people you’ve been drawn to, what patterns do you notice in how they made you feel?
How does your body feel when you are with someone who brings you back to your center? Describe it in as much detail as you can.
What did you love about the connections that ended? Were those qualities really present, or were you hoping they would be?
What part of you has been waiting to be chosen? What does this part need from you right now?
What are three values you want to guide you in your relationships moving forward?
What would it look like to choose yourself this week, in one small and practical way?
If you were fully rooted in your own power, how would you approach love and connection differently?
This week, take a moment to check in with your body when you’re around the people you’re drawn to. Notice if you feel calm and grounded, or if something in you tightens and pulls away from your center.
Your body knows the truth, and it has been speaking to you all along. The more you listen, the more you’ll trust what it shows you. Let that be your guide as you move forward.
Sending love,
Shay
P.S. If you have a burning question for me, submit it here. It could become the inspiration for my next article, post, or video. :)