Hi friend,
So many of us FEEL ready for “The One”... and yet keep finding ourselves repeating the same unhealthy patterns.
This is because regardless of what we say we want, our unconscious program has much more power over what manifests in our relationships than any other force.
Our ability to call in a conscious partner is deeply rooted in how well we know and understand our own minds, our relationship patterns, and our unconscious attractions.
Our unconscious attractions are seeded from our earliest experiences with giving and receiving love.
Calling in a healthy relationship is an inside job. It requires that we journey to the depths of our own hearts and practice embodying our full expression.
Many relationships never fully bloom because someone is holding back apart of themselves they’re afraid to reveal.
If we don’t believe we’re good enough, if we feel like some part of us is too much, if we believe we’re broken... these things WILL find their way into our love lives.
When we hold back some part of ourselves, we become cut off from the possibility of truly connecting with someone who we could actually spend our lives with in an authentic, loving and conscious relationship.
How could someone fall in love with ALL of you, if you don’t reveal yourself?
How could you fall in love with ALL of them, if they are hiding their full expression?
Creating a healthy foundation for our dream relationship to occur is a lot like gardening…
First, we have to weed out the unconscious attractions we have - to people who mirror our old pattern.
Usually, these are people who have similar qualities to caregivers from our past - and on some level, we hope they can give us what we never got when we were young.
To transform the kind of person we attract, we have to spend time loving up on the parts of ourselves we're afraid of.
When we stop looking for healing through an external source, we are much more likely to call in someone who is ready and willing to heal with us.
What if instead of looking for The One, you BECAME The One?
You, in your power, fully embodied in self-love is the answer. 💕
Want to go deeper into this work?
I’m looking for 6 people who want to work with me on Conscious Relationship and Nervous System tools in my intimate Inner Growth Circle over 6 months.
Cohort 1 filled in just 48 hours, so I’ve opened one more cohort, beginning in early to mid-October.
If you feel called to do this deeper work with me, click here to apply and we’ll reach out to you if we feel it’s a good fit!
Inside Today’s Newsletter:
📝 My Latest Substack Article: You Don’t Have to Know How it Ends to Choose the Relationship
🌕 Full Moon in Aries: Trust What Moves You
📱Instagram: On seeing the need beneath the hurt, knowing when to walk away, healing after a breakup, and choosing solitude over someone who's only halfway in.
✍️ A Practice + Journaling Prompts: To welcome the parts of yourself you tend to hide and explore what it means to let someone love all of you.
📝 New Article on Substack: You Don’t Have to Know How it Ends to Choose the Relationship
A reader asked me how soon you should know if someone is 'The One.' Here's what I told her.
The idea that "The One" is out there waiting for the fated day that you lock eyes and instantly "know" is one of the most persistent myths about love. Many of us have been conditioned to think of love as something magical. But meeting your forever person isn't always a lightning strike of instant clarity, sometimes it's a slow burn, a careful exploration, or a surprise unfolding.
For many people, instant clarity isn't how love develops. Certainty may grow gradually through shared experiences, honest conversations, conflict and repair, and evidence overtime that you can be yourselves with one another. A year of dating without absolute certainty does not automatically mean the relationship is wrong or that either of you is failing at love.
🌙 Check out our recent astrology report
🕊️ Latest Instagram Posts
✨ Practice for the Week: Welcoming the Part You Hide
Most of us have a part we keep tucked away. It might be the part that feels too emotional, too needy, too intense, or somehow not enough. We learn early on which parts of us are easier for others to love, and we start showing those parts first. Over time, the hidden parts can start to feel like something to manage or keep out of sight, even from ourselves.
This practice helps you meet one of those parts in your body and offer it some of the love you've been hoping someone else would give. The more of yourself you can welcome, the more of yourself you'll be able to share with a partner.
Set aside about ten minutes and find a space where you won't be interrupted.
Step 1: Settle. Find a comfortable seat or lie down. Rest one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Take a few slow breaths, letting each exhale be a little longer than the inhale.
Step 2: Arrive. Feel the places where your body meets the ground. Your feet, your seat, your back. Let your jaw relax and your shoulders drop.
Step 3: Recall. Bring to mind a part of yourself you tend to hide from others. Maybe it's your sensitivity, your big feelings, your desire for closeness, or something you feel embarrassed about. Choose one that feels manageable to explore today.
Step 4: Notice. Feel where this part lives in your body. Maybe a tightness in your chest, a flutter in your belly, warmth in your face, or tension in your throat. Rest your attention there for a few breaths.
Step 5: Get curious. Gently ask this part, "How long have you been hiding?" and "What are you afraid would happen if someone saw you?" Let any words, images, or memories arise without searching for them.
Step 6: Welcome. Place a hand over the area where you feel this part most. Say to it, silently or out loud, "You're welcome here. I want to know you." Notice how your body responds.
Step 7: Receive. Imagine this part of you being met with love, by you first. Let yourself feel what it's like for this part to be seen and accepted just as it is. Stay here for a few breaths.
Step 8: Return. Widen your attention to your whole body. Open your eyes and look around the room. Notice how you feel now compared to when you began.
If anything feels like too much at any point, open your eyes, feel your feet on the floor, and come back to your breath.
Each time you welcome a hidden part of yourself, you become a little more whole. And the more whole you feel, the more naturally you'll let someone love all of you.
Journal Prompts
What parts of myself do I tend to keep hidden when I'm getting to know someone new?
Is there a part of me I've been told is "too much"? What would it feel like to let her be seen?
When do I feel most like myself? Who am I with, and what am I doing?
What did I learn about love when I was young? How does that still show up in the way I give and receive love today?
What would it look like to offer myself the love I'm hoping to receive from a partner?
If I fully believed I was worthy of love just as I am, what would I do differently this week?
What does a relationship where I can be ALL of me feel like in my body?
What is one small way I can reveal more of myself, to myself or to someone I trust, this week?
This week, I invite you to turn toward yourself with a little more love.
Notice the parts of you that you tend to hide. The part that feels like too much. The part that worries she isn't enough. Sit with her for a moment and let her know she's welcome here.
Every bit of love you give yourself becomes part of the foundation your future relationship will grow from.
You are worth knowing, all of you. ✨
Love,
Shay 💕
P.S. Ask me anything! If you have a burning question for me, submit it here. It could become the inspiration for my next article, post, or video. :)