Hi friend,
That moment when someone pulls back and your whole body braces… the racing thoughts, the urge to reach out, the fear that something is wrong.
This is a common experience when our system is wired toward anxious attachment.
And when we're in it, it's easy to believe they are the problem… that they need to change their behaviour or do something to help you feel better…
And while there are often things for a partner to work on, there's a hidden gift in these moments, one that lives beneath the panic and reaching.
While you're hyper-focused on getting something from them, the real healing lies in your ability to stay in your body and feel your way through intense moments rather than ejecting immediately and grasping for a life raft in another person.
What you’ll find if you slow down and return to your body is that you are safe and that it’s ok to feel what you’re feeling.
The inner-child in you has a message for you, so don’t abandon them. Listen gently and pour your love into the sensitive and tender being that lives within your own heart.
Learning to self-soothe doesn’t mean becoming needless or never receiving support. All humans need this, touch and connection are vital.
It simply means you’ll have the capacity to stay connected to yourself and trust your ability to navigate big emotions.
It also means you will be able to set and protect boundaries rather than chasing love in the wrong places because you are afraid to be in your own body.
This skill is vital to ending self-abandonment and reclaiming your wholeness.
From a place of self-trust, we can extend for support while also having the confidence to hold ourselves through it if someone isn’t available or doesn’t have the capacity.
There is also medicine in going within and listening to our bodies, paying attention to visions and images we receive, and connecting to spirit.
We can be alone yet connected, and it is when we are in the deep that we meet new parts of ourselves.
Beautiful healing moments can happen when we have the courage to face our inner-depths.
Inside Today’s Newsletter:
🕊️ From Instagram: My New Children's Book + The Kind of Partner Worth Choosing
✨ A Practice + Journaling Prompts: For staying with yourself in moments of anxious activation
Discover Your Birth Chart, Compatibility & Astrocartography
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🕊️ The Latest Rising Woman Posts:
🌿 This Weeks Reflection
Self-soothing is not the absence of needing others. It is the ability to come home to yourself, again and again.
✨ Practice for the Week: Returning Home, an embodiment practice for staying with yourself in moments of anxious activation
This practice is for the moments when you feel the urge to grasp, chase, or eject from your body in search of relief from someone outside of you. It's an invitation to stay, to listen, and to discover that the love you're reaching for already lives within.
Set aside 15 to 20 minutes. Find a quiet space where you won't be interrupted. You may want to have a blanket, a candle, and a journal nearby.
Step 1: Arrive
Lie down on your back or sit comfortably with your spine supported. Place one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly. Take three slow breaths, letting each exhale be longer than the inhale. Feel the weight of your body being held by the earth beneath you.
Whisper to yourself: I am here. I am safe to feel.
Step 2: Locate the Activation
Bring to mind a recent moment when you felt anxious in connection with someone you love. Maybe they pulled away, took space, or didn't respond the way you wanted. Let yourself remember it gently, without forcing.
Now scan your body. Where does the activation live? Your chest, your throat, your belly, your jaw? Place your hand there. Breathe into that place. Let the sensation be exactly as it is, without trying to fix or change it.
Step 3: Meet Your Inner-Child
Close your eyes and visualize a younger version of yourself, the little one who first learned to grasp for love or fear being left behind. They might be three, five, seven, or another age. Notice where they are and what they're wearing.
Open your arms in your imagination and invite your inner-child close. Let them sit in your lap or curl into your chest. Place your hand on your heart as a physical anchor for this moment.
Speak softly:
I see you, little one. It's okay to feel scared. You don't have to chase anyone for love. I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere. You are safe with me.
Step 4: Move the Energy
Stay with whatever rises. If tears come, let them flow. If you feel the urge to make sound, sigh, hum, or even cry out, let your body release. If you feel restless, shake your hands and feet gently. The body knows how to move emotion when we let it.
Continue breathing slowly. Keep one hand on your heart. Trust that nothing you feel is too much.
Step 5: Listen for the Message
When the wave begins to settle, ask your inner-child softly: What do you need me to know?
Listen without trying to direct the answer. The message may come as words, an image, a feeling, or a memory. Receive whatever arrives with tenderness.
Step 6: Anchor the Return
Place both hands on your heart. Feel the steadiness of your own touch. Whisper:
I can hold myself. I am safe in my own body. I am whole. I am home.
Take three more deep breaths. Wiggle your fingers and toes. Open your eyes slowly and look around the room. Notice the colours, textures, and light around you.
Step 7: Integrate
If you have a journal, take a few minutes to write down what you felt, what your inner-child shared, and any insights that arose. You might also light a candle, make a warm drink, or step outside to feel the earth under your feet.
Return to this practice whenever you feel the pull to grasp outward. Over time, your nervous system will learn that you are a safe place to come home to, and the urgency to be saved will soften into the steadiness of being held by yourself.
Journal Prompts
When someone I love moves away energetically, needs space, or doesn't respond the way I want them to, what sensations show up in my body? Where do I feel them, and what do they remind me of?
What are the stories my anxiety tells me in those moments? Whose voice do those stories sound like, and how old do I feel when I hear them?
Think of a recent moment when you felt the urge to grasp, chase, or seek reassurance from a partner or loved one. If you had paused and turned inward instead, what might your inner-child have wanted to say?
Write a letter from your adult self to your inner-child. Let her know you see her, you hear her, and you're not going anywhere. What does she most need to be told right now?
What does self-abandonment look like in your life? Where are you leaving yourself in order to chase love, approval, or safety from someone else?
When you slow down and return to your body, what truth lives there underneath the anxiety? What is the deeper feeling waiting to be felt?
What does receiving support look like for you when you're in your wholeness?
Where in your life are you afraid to set or protect a boundary? What would change if you trusted your ability to hold yourself through the discomfort of someone being upset with you?
Describe a moment in your life when going within and being alone led you to meet a new part of yourself. What did you discover in the depths?
What rituals, practices, or daily moments help you feel safe in your own body? How can you bring more of these into your week?
As you move through the rest of your day, I want you to remember this: every time you choose to stay with yourself in a hard moment, you're rewriting an old story. You're showing your inner-child that they don’t have to chase, perform, or grasp to be loved. She gets to be held by you.
Self-soothing is not a one-time skill we master and then move on from. It's a practice we return to again and again, in the small moments and the big ones. Sometimes it looks like a hand on your heart and a few deep breaths. Sometimes it looks like crying into a pillow, or going for a walk in nature, or whispering kind words to the little one inside.
Whatever it looks like for you today, trust that the simple act of turning toward yourself is profound healing.
You are not too much. Your feelings are not a burden. The sensitivity you carry is sacred, and learning to tend to it is one of the most loving things you can do.
Love,
Shay
P.S. If this resonated and you're ready to experience relationships without the constant grip of anxiety and self-doubt, I'd love to invite you into Freedom From Relationship Anxiety.
It's a 6-week journey designed to rewire anxious attachment and heal the trust wound beneath it so your body can learn what safety in love actually feels like.
If you feel the pull toward real inner security and lasting change in your relationship patterns, get started here.