Hi friend,
You don’t need to be in a romantic relationship to thrive, but we all need a few close friends.
Research shows that being in deeply connected, safe and fun relationships lowers cortisol, improves sleep, reduces risk of dementia, heart disease and even extends our life.
We can do all the healing work in the world, but without community we’re still in the red.
Healing isn’t something we do all on our own, it’s an organic process that deepens when we’re surrounded by safe people, support networks, and have a sense of true belonging.
When you stop self-abandoning and start claiming your truth you may have a smaller circle, and that’s a really good thing.
Better to be seen and loved by a few good people, than to be judged and misunderstood in a sea of fake friends.
I’ve included a practice and journaling prompts below to help you feel the support of the people who truly see you and reflect on the relationships that nourish you most ✨
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✨ Practice for the Week: Seen and Held
Our bodies were built for connection. When we feel safe with the people around us, our breath deepens, our heart rate steadies, and our whole system softens. Your nervous system remembers every moment of being truly seen, and you can return to that feeling anytime.
This practice helps you feel the warmth of your closest relationships and the deep belonging that comes from being loved for who you are.
Set aside about ten minutes. Find a quiet, cozy spot where you won’t be interrupted. You might like to wrap yourself in a blanket or hold a warm cup of tea.
Step 1: Settle. Find a comfortable seat or lie down. Let your eyes close or rest your gaze softly on the floor. Take a few slow breaths, letting each exhale be a little longer than the inhale.
Step 2: Arrive. Notice where your body is being supported by the chair, the floor, or the cushions beneath you. Let yourself lean into that support a little more with each breath.
Step 3: Hold yourself. Place one hand on your heart and the other on your belly. Feel the warmth of your own touch. Silently say to yourself, “I am here with you.” Notice how your body responds to being met with kindness.
Step 4: Invite one in. Bring to mind someone who truly sees you. It could be a friend, a sibling, a mentor, or anyone who loves you exactly as you are. Picture them sitting right beside you. Notice their face, their eyes, the way they look at you.
Step 5: Feel it land. Notice what happens in your body as you sense their presence. Maybe your shoulders drop, your jaw loosens, or your chest feels warm and open. Let yourself soak in the feeling of being fully accepted. Stay here for a few breaths.
Step 6: Gather your circle. Now invite in the few people who feel like home to you. Let them gather around you one by one. There’s no need for a crowd. Even one or two people is plenty. Notice how your breath and belly respond as your circle forms.
Step 7: Let love move. Ask yourself, “What do I want to offer the people who love me?” Maybe it’s gratitude, a hug, a laugh, or simply your presence. Let your body respond. You might wrap your arms around yourself, smile, sway gently, or rock side to side. Stay here as long as feels good.
Step 8: Return. Thank the people in your circle. Slowly bring your attention back to the room. Wiggle your fingers and toes, open your eyes, and look around. Notice how you feel now compared to when you began.
If anything feels like too much at any point, open your eyes, feel your feet on the ground, and come back to your breath.
The people who truly see you are some of the greatest medicine in your life. Each time you return to the feeling of being held, your body learns that it is safe to be known. And this week, if someone in your circle comes to mind, consider reaching out to let them know how much they mean to you.
Journal Prompts
Who are the people in my life I can call when things fall apart? Who do I call when something wonderful happens? Are they the same people?
When was the last time I felt truly seen by someone? What were they doing, and how did my body feel in that moment?
Which relationships leave me feeling nourished and energized after we spend time together? Which ones leave me drained or on guard?
Where in my friendships do I still shrink, perform, or say yes when I mean no?
As I’ve grown and healed, who has naturally fallen away? What feelings come up when I think about those losses?
What does “safe” feel like to me in a relationship? How do I know when I’m with someone safe?
Who is one person I’d love to grow closer to? What is one small step I could take this week to reach out?
Beyond romantic relationships, research shows that it’s about quality of connection that counts. You can be married and lonely and single and lonely.
It’s not about relationship status, it’s about having a few people who truly see you, and love you for you 💕
Sending love,
Shay
P.S. If you have a burning question for me, submit it here. It could become the inspiration for my next article, post, or video. :)