Hi friend,
If I had only one reason for the work I do, it would be this:
Healing allows us to love and be loved rather than to hurt and be hurt.
It allows us to love from a place of truth, vulnerability and openness, rather than from the wounds we carry.
The healing journey can be hard, but living a life from our unhealed wounds can be much harder.
So many people live their entire lives experiencing chaotic, painful or half-hearted relationships that lack depth, honesty and true connection.
Not because some people just “can’t love,” but because they’ve been hurt. They’ve learned to protect themselves by shutting down, keeping people at arm’s length, controlling, defending or withholding.
And eventually, the things we learned to do to protect ourselves can become the very things that keep us from experiencing the love we want.
When we enter relationship carrying childhood wounds, unresolved resentment, past trauma or deep shame, those things will inevitably find their way into the relationship.
We can keep protecting ourselves, choosing what feels safest for the ego but leaves us longing for something deeper.
We can play out our wounds with each other, creating more hurt, disconnection and resentment.
Or we can choose to turn toward the work.
Together, or on our own, we can begin to understand the places where we've closed ourselves off from love and slowly learn that it can be safe to open again.
Healing isn't about fixing yourself or changing who you are. It's about softening the heart and making more room for love in its most authentic forms.
It’s not always easy to heal, but it’s worth it.
Inside Today’s Newsletter:
🎙️ Podcast: Dr. Mindy Pelz on Perimenopause: The Science of Rebirth (Not Decline)
📱Instagram: Seeing the child in your partner, what heartbreak can teach you, and how to take space in a fight
✍️ A Practice + Journaling Prompts: Meeting Your Walls, plus questions to explore how you protect your heart
🎙️ Podcast episode with Dr. Mindy Pelz
🕊️ Latest Instagram Posts
✨ Practice for the Week: Meeting Your Walls
Most of us built walls for good reasons. At some point, being open led to getting hurt, so we learned to protect ourselves. Those walls helped us get through hard times. Over time, they can also keep out the closeness we want most.
This practice helps you find where your walls live in your body and meet them with understanding. The more you understand your protection, the easier it becomes to open up to the people you love, one small step at a time.
Set aside about ten minutes and find a space where you won't be interrupted.
Step 1: Settle. Find a comfortable seat or lie down. Rest your hands on your thighs or by your sides. Take a few slow breaths, letting each exhale be a little longer than the inhale.
Step 2: Arrive. Feel your body being supported by the chair, the floor, or the bed beneath you. Notice the sounds around you and the temperature of the air on your skin.
Step 3: Recall. Bring to mind a recent moment when you pulled away from someone you care about. Choose a moment that feels manageable to explore today.
Step 4: Notice. Feel where the wall shows up in your body. Maybe your shoulders rise, your chest tightens, your jaw clenches, or your breath gets shallow. You might notice an urge to cross your arms or turn away. Rest your attention there for a few breaths.
Step 5: Get curious. Gently ask this wall, "When did you first show up?" and "What are you protecting me from?" Let any words, images, or memories arise without searching for them.
Step 6: Thank. Place a hand over the area where you feel the wall most. Say to it, silently or out loud, "Thank you for protecting me. I see how hard you've worked." Notice how your body responds.
Step 7: Open a little. Breathe into that area and imagine the wall easing just slightly. Maybe your shoulders drop, your chest widens, or you turn your palms up on your lap. Stay here for a few breaths and notice what it feels like to be a little more open. There's no need to take the wall down completely.
Step 8: Return. Widen your attention to your whole body. Open your eyes and look around the room. Notice how you feel now compared to when you began.
If anything feels like too much at any point, open your eyes, feel your feet on the floor, and come back to your breath.
Your walls came from a real need for safety. Each time you meet them with understanding, it gets a little easier to let someone in.
Journal Prompts
When I think about love, what feels scary about letting someone all the way in?
What walls did I build to protect myself, and when do I remember first putting them up?
What did I learn about love from watching my parents?
Is there anger or resentment I still carry toward my parents? How might it be showing up in my relationships?
What do I tend to do when someone gets close? Do I pull away, get defensive, or keep things light?
What patterns keep repeating in my relationships?
What would it look like for me to show my heart a little more this week?
What kind of love am I no longer willing to settle for?
A note for anyone reading this who isn't in a relationship right now.
This season of your life can be a potent one. The time you spend understanding yourself and your patterns will help you recognize them when they show up in your next relationship.
Being on your own can feel lonely at times. It can also be a chance to get to know yourself in a new way. To notice how you learned to love. To see where you still feel guarded, and to be kind with the parts of you that learned to protect themselves.
There's no rush with any of this. You can take it one small moment at a time. Maybe it's noticing a memory that still stings, or a time you pulled away when someone got close. Just noticing is enough to begin.
The relationship you have with yourself becomes the foundation for all the others. 💕
Love,
Shay
P.S. I wanted to introduce you to someone special. 💕
Many of you already know Alissa as part of the Rising Woman team. I’m so grateful to have had her by my side for over seven years…
What you may not know is she’s also a certified somatic sex coach who supports women in reconnecting with their bodies, desire, and pleasure.
If you’ve ever felt disconnected from your sexuality, struggled with low desire, carried shame around sex, or found it difficult to feel fully present and at home in your body during intimacy, I think you’ll really appreciate her work.
Alissa’s approach is trauma-informed and moves at the pace of your nervous system. She helps women understand their own arousal and desire, communicate their needs and boundaries, feel more comfortable in their bodies, and navigate changes in their sexuality throughout life.
She recently shared a beautiful video on low desire, something so many women experience but rarely have the language or space to talk about.
And if her work resonates, you can learn more about Alissa on her website and follow her on instagram.