Hi friend,
Healthy relationships don’t require us to pour ourselves out or work tirelessly to “win” love.
Imagine what you could do with all the energy you give away to people who can’t show up for you in the way you deserve.
If we’re going after unavailable people or ignoring red flags, we’re likely chasing a “Ghost Figure”... a person who represents some energy or relationship from our past that still feels unfinished.
Maybe you didn’t feel nurtured growing up. Maybe you felt heartbroken and unloved when a parent left.
No one in the present can close a loop that someone else opened. The good news is, you don’t need anybody but you to close it, and that is where your healing starts.
When we keep giving our energy away and feel unappreciated, ignored, or abandoned, it’s a sign we’re working against the flow of life, trying to fill an invisible void.
Our relationship patterns show us where our energy truly needs to go. We just have to be willing to open the door and walk through it.
Letting go of old patterns can feel scary. It brings up beliefs we may not even know we’re carrying:
“What if I can’t do better than this?”
“What if no one really wants someone like me?”
“What if I’m too much?”
“What if I’m not enough?”
These beliefs quietly steer our relationships until we do our inner-work.
A simple practice to begin with is to “bring it home.” Take all the energy you’d normally spend seeking love, approval, or validation from others, and pour it back into yourself. Nourish your body, create a self-care ritual, consider a break from alcohol for a few weeks, and find a space to begin your healing work.
Reclaim your power and give that loving energy back to you.
I’ve included a practice and journaling prompts below to help you call your energy back home and reflect on the patterns that have been asking for your attention ✨
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✨ Practice for the Week: Bring It Home
Our bodies know when our energy is flowing outward. Our breath gets shallow, and we stay on alert, waiting for a text, a look, or a sign that we matter. Over time, this constant reaching can leave us feeling drained and far away from ourselves. Your body also knows the way back. When you gather your energy in, your breath deepens, your muscles soften, and you begin to feel whole again.
This practice helps you call your energy back from the places and people you’ve been pouring it into, and let it fill you up from the inside.
Set aside about ten minutes. Find a quiet, cozy spot where you won’t be interrupted. You might like to wrap yourself in a blanket or sit somewhere with soft, natural light.
Step 1: Settle. Find a comfortable seat or lie down. Let your eyes close or rest your gaze softly on the floor. Take a few slow breaths, letting each exhale be a little longer than the inhale.
Step 2: Notice the reach. Bring to mind a person or situation where you’ve been giving more than you receive. Notice where your body responds. Maybe your chest tightens, your shoulders lift, or you feel a pull forward. Simply notice it with curiosity.
Step 3: Feel the cords. Imagine your energy as warm threads of light stretching out from your body toward that person or situation. Notice how far they reach and how it feels to have so much of you out there.
Step 4: Call it back. On each inhale, imagine gently gathering those threads of light back toward you. Let them return slowly, one breath at a time. You might silently say, “I’m bringing it home.” Notice how your body responds as more of your energy returns.
Step 5: Receive it. Place one hand on your heart and the other on your belly. Feel the energy you’ve gathered settling into your body. Let it fill your chest, your belly, your hips, your legs, all the way down to your feet. Stay here for a few breaths and let yourself be full.
Step 6: Meet yourself. Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Maybe it’s rest, nourishment, comfort, or a little tenderness. Whatever arises, let it be welcome. Silently say to yourself, “I’m here. I’ve got you.”
Step 7: Pour it in. Let your body offer yourself what you need. You might wrap your arms around yourself, stroke your arms or legs, rock gently, or rest your hands over your heart. Let this be the same care you’ve been offering to others, now flowing back to you. Stay here as long as feels good.
Step 8: Return. Take a deep breath in and let it go. Slowly bring your attention back to the room. Wiggle your fingers and toes, open your eyes, and look around. Notice how you feel now compared to when you began.
If anything feels like too much at any point, open your eyes, feel your feet on the ground, and come back to your breath.
Your energy is precious, and you get to choose where it goes. This week, when you notice yourself reaching for someone’s approval, pause, place a hand on your heart, and remember that you can always bring it home.
Journal Prompts
Where in my life am I giving away energy to someone who isn’t able to show up for me in the way I deserve?
When I think about the people I’ve been drawn to in the past, what qualities or patterns do they have in common?
Who might be my “Ghost Figure”? What feeling or experience from my past might I be trying to resolve through my current relationships?
What did I need as a child that I didn’t fully receive? How might I offer that to myself now?
Which of these beliefs feels most familiar to me: “I’m too much,” “I’m not enough,” or “No one really wants someone like me”? Where do I think it first came from?
How do I feel in my body when I’m chasing someone’s love, approval, or validation?
If I took all the energy I spend trying to “win” love and poured it back into myself, what would that look like day to day?
What is one small way I can “bring it home” this week?
Our desire for a healthy relationship needs to be as strong as our willingness to dive deep.
Saying goodbye to old patterns means walking into the unknown, and that takes courage. Every time you choose yourself, you build the foundation for the kind of love you truly deserve.
Start small this week. Notice where your energy is going, and gently bring it back home.
You are worthy of a love that meets you where you are 💕✨
Sending love,
Shay
P.S. If you have a burning question for me, submit it here. It could become the inspiration for my next article, post, or video. :)